There’s a moment in leadership that feels small…
but it’s actually a line you either hold or cross.
It shows up in a person.
Their frustration.
Their resistance.
Their emotion in the moment.
And the instinct is immediate:
Help them through it.
Reframe it for them.
Get them back on track… fast.
I’ve done that more times than I can count.
Because it feels like leadership.
But this week, I saw it clearly:
That’s rescuing.
It’s stepping into their wave, trying to stabilize it
so things can keep moving.
And in doing that…
you take something from them.
The choice.
So this week, I handled it differently.
I stayed out of the emotion.
I didn’t absorb it.
I didn’t rush to fix it in real time.
I stayed anchored.
I listened.
I acknowledged.
I gave the coaching.
I set the standard.
And then I stopped.
No over-explaining.
No chasing them to make sure it landed.
No softening to make it easier to accept.
Just clarity… and space.
Because this is the part that matters most:
They get to choose.
They can step up to the feedback.
They can lean into the coaching.
They can meet the standard.
Or they won’t.
And that decision is theirs.
Here’s the part I’m still working through…
I’m very good at calling people up
who are already close.
The ones who want it.
The ones who are ready.
The ones who just need someone to see it in them
before they fully see it in themselves.
That’s easy for me.
I can help them step into their power quickly.
But where I’ve struggled…
is believing that everyone wants that.
Because I can see it in people.
I can see what they’re capable of.
I can see who they could become.
And for a long time, I assumed that meant
they wanted it too.
They don’t.
Not everyone wants the standard.
Not everyone wants the accountability.
Not everyone wants what it actually takes to get there.
And that realization changes how you lead.
Because if you believe everyone wants it…
you’ll keep rescuing.
You’ll keep explaining.
You’ll keep trying to unlock something
that isn’t yours to unlock.
But when you accept that not everyone wants it…
You stop chasing.
You start watching.
You give the coaching.
You set the standard.
And then you let their actions answer the question.
In real time.
No convincing.
No over-investing.
No emotional pull.
Just clarity.
That’s the shift:
You don’t decide who people become.
They do.
Your role is to make the path visible…
and the standard undeniable.
And then be anchored enough
to let them choose what they do next.
Building Organizations That Scale 